~~what's the best thing about an Ethiopian blow job? you now she'll swallow.
~~A boy says to his dad: "how old do you think I am today?" Dad: "I don't know" Boy: "Eleven" He then goes into the next room and says to his Grandma: " Guess how old I am?" His grandma puts her hand down his trousers and fondles with his genitals. After a few minutes she says: "Eleven" Boy: " How did you know" Grandma: "I heard you tell your father"
~~In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery. Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs! Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.
~~There was a farmer who owned a bull and a female cow and was trying desperately to mate the two. No matter what he did the bull didn't want any. Finally he went to a friend who claimed to have had the same problem. So he asked him what could he do. The friend told him that he had to stick his arm up the cow's pussy and rub it on the bull's nose. After doing so the bull went crazy and started humping the cow over and over. With the success of the bull the farmer starts to wonder if this will work for him. So that night he gets in bed and starts playing with his wife. He rubs his nose with his hand and gets the biggest boner he has ever gotten. He wakes his wife and tells her to look. She looks, and with a mean look on her face says, "You woke me up to show me that you have a bloody nose."
~~This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy. He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Hey kid, if I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car." To which the kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!"
~~A little girl is standing by the edge of a cliff crying her eyes out. This man comes over and says, "What's wrong little girl?" The little girl still crying just points over to the edge of the cliff. The man looks over the edge and sees a car with the little girls parents mangled in the rocks below. The man turns round and undoing his flies says, "I guess it just ain't your lucky day"!!!
This is all for now... but check back soon.  Problems with Beer? A Troubleshooting Guide: SYMPTOM:Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM:Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
SYMPTOM:Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM:Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backwards.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM:Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM:Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM:Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM:Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM:Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.
SYMPTOM:Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.
SYMPTOM:Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
SYMPTOM:Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.
SYMPTOM:Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
SYMPTOM:Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.
SYMPTOM:Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.
SYMPTOM:Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.
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